Honoring Grief and Loss on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day can be a complicated, emotionally charged occasion—although for some it can evoke love and appreciation, for others it is a day that activates grief, pain, and longing. While the mainstream narrative celebrates joyful brunches, flowers, and heartfelt cards, it’s important to also acknowledge those who experience Mother’s Day through the lens of loss: those who experience this day as a loud reminder of what’s missing, what’s changed, or what was never there to begin with. out
We often talk about grief as the emotional response to a significant loss, typically associated with death. But there is another kind of grief that’s just as real, though less often named: ambiguous or nonfinite (living) loss. This kind of grief doesn’t have a clear endpoint and is tied to situations where closure is impossible or the loss is ongoing.
What Is Ambiguous or Nonfinite Loss?
Coined by family therapist Dr. Pauline Boss, ambiguous loss refers to a loss that lacks clarity and resolution. There are two primary types:
Physical absence with psychological presence – such as a missing person, adoption, or estrangement.
Physical presence with psychological absence – such as a loved one with dementia, mental illness, addiction, or emotional unavailability.
Nonfinite or living losses refer to grief that continues over time due to life situations that are continually unfolding or unchanging. These might include chronic illness, infertility, or the loss of a hoped-for future or relationship.
How These Losses Show Up on Mother’s Day
For some people, Mother’s Day is a time of joyful connection. For others, it brings a cascade of painful emotions tied to experiences that don’t fit neatly into a Hallmark card. Here are just a few examples:
Those grieving a mother who has died, whether recently or long ago.
Those estranged from their mothers or are navigating a complicated, perhaps toxic, relationship.
Those whose mothers live with dementia or serious mental illness, making the relationship unrecognizable or one-sided.
People who have lost a child, are experiencing infertility, or have had to let go of the dream of becoming a parent.
Adoptees and birth mothers who may feel conflicted or invisible on this day.
LGBTQ+ individuals who may be rejected or distanced from family due to identity, and who may feel especially unseen on a holiday so deeply rooted in traditional, gendered roles and expectations.
Caregivers feeling both the weight of responsibility and the absence of mutual connection.
In each of these cases, the loss is either ambiguous, nonfinite, or compounded—grief that doesn't resolve with time, that isn't publicly recognized, or that returns each year with renewed intensity.
Seeing the Unseen
One of the hardest parts of ambiguous loss is its invisibility. It may not be socially acknowledged, making it hard for people to receive the support they need. You may feel pressure to put on a brave face, avoid the subject, or “get over it.” But your grief is valid—even if others don’t see it, understand it, or know what to say.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. It’s okay to experience this day in your own way, whether that means stepping back from social media, creating a ritual of remembrance, reaching out for support, or simply allowing yourself to feel what you feel.
Supporting Yourself or Others on Mother’s Day
Acknowledge the loss – Name it. Recognize that what you’re experiencing is grief, and that it deserves space.
Set boundaries – You don’t have to engage in traditions or conversations that are painful for you.
Create your own rituals – Light a candle, write a letter, take a walk, or engage in an activity that brings comfort or meaning.
Connect with supportive people – Whether it’s a therapist, support group, or a trusted friend, talking about your feelings with someone who can safely hold your vulnerability can help ease the isolation.
Practice self-compassion – There’s no right way to “do” Mother’s Day when your heart is hurting.
Your experience matters—even when it doesn’t fit the script of a typical holiday. Grief, in all its forms, is a natural and important response to love, hope, and unmet longing that needs to be honored and witnessed.
Regardless of how your grief is showing up this year, I invite you to be gentle with yourself this Mother's Day. Sometimes, simply naming what’s hard is the first step toward healing.